13. Mar 16 The taxman suffers nightmares

It seems that the affair between the Iguana and Badger has really affected the Taxman. Not only did the club have to fetch him back from Newark, it seems he has been suffering from nightmares.

He has been complaining of sleepless nights dreaming of all the rest of the caps escaping his kit bag with the new found freedom of the Badger. He has been found in the middle of the night up and down the street and in neighbours back gardens searching in bins for escaped caps. Three times the police were called in.

The nightmares are now getting worse and the dreams have progressed into believing that the badgers promiscuity has produced a badguana (click on the picture). He can be heard murmering "How would this affect the clubs reputation"

At great expense to the club, the committee have had to ask for medical advice to his condition. It has been found that eating before going to sleep triggers an increase in the body's metabolism and brain activity and is a potential stimulus for nightmares. Eating is definitely one of his attributes.

A more in depth explanation was needed to the cause and the club went to Nottingham University to get to the bottom of the condition. It seems that with age and with all the aches and pains, his chromosomes are suffering from a bout of rheumatism that gets into the nervous system and reaches the brain, hence the nightmares.

It seems that with this Chromosomal Rheumatism of the Brain condition he will have to have his CRB checked more often and the club are pleading with the tea ladies to stop giving him doggy bags to take home for late night suppers.

Next Issue Mar 30 "To serve and protect.............and help a badger"